Friday, October 14, 2011

#5MinuteFiction - Stars

This post is delayed, and I apologize for that.  I joined this week's #5MinuteFiction and guess what? My piece was chosen as a finalist!  I didn't win, but it certainly was fun, and rather satisfying, to have  my work noticed.

Here is the piece I submitted (slightly edited for misplaced commas, unnecessary speech tags, and those damned typos!):


“Which ones are the planets?” little Jane asked as she pointed up to the stars in the dark sky. We lay on a blanket on the grass in our back yard. My little daughter’s head rested at the crook of my arm.
“I’m not sure, hon. Maybe the larger ones?” I tried to identify one that might help. I shifted slightly to find more comfort as the hard ground pressed against my back. The air was warm and still. But the coolness of the grass was comforting.
“Like that one? The one that looks like its just above us.”
I still couldn’t tell which one she was pointing at. There were millions of them riddling the black sky. “Maybe, babe.”
“How about that one?” she moved her arm along the sky, still pointing.
“That looks like a shooting star to me.”
“Nana told me she’ll become one when she dies.”
My throat tightened. It wasn’t much longer before her grandmother would leave us. “Is that what she said?”
Jane nodded. “She said that when she died, she would become a star so she could watch over us every day.”
I sighed. A hot tear, ran down the side of my face into my hair. I shifted my head slightly so she wouldn’t see. “I sure hope she’s right, honey. I really do.”
Thank you to all my friends who voted.  I really appreciate the support!

2 comments:

Thank you so much for your kind comments.